Friday, December 25, 2009

New Year, New Direction

In case you haven't noticed- I haven't posted in a looooong time. As much as I enjoy writing about my travels, I think I would utilize this blog more often if I strayed from my travel theme and just started writing about everyday life, memories, travel, etc. My resolution for 2010 is to write more often so I can look back at the end of the year and see how life has unfolded.

For years I kept a personal journal to sort through the severe anxiety and depression I battled as a teen and early adult. Every once in a while I'll flip to a random entry just to see where I was at that point and how far I've come since those dark days. Sometimes its very difficult to revisit my past like that, but as I age, I've come to realize that I'm the only person who can help myself. As a result, I've really put myself in situations I would normally avoid in order to grow. I hope this year will find me reaching out more to others, adhering to goals rather than dropping them out of fear of failure, and conquering my desire to please everyone (which we all know is impossible), and instead doing what I think is best for me.

Just a few weeks ago I decided to train with a group for the half-marathon in April. I expect to not only push myself physically, but emotionally as well. The hardest part for me was showing up at that first group run. Most people don't know it, but interacting socially with people I don't know can be crippling for me. I ended up forcing myself to join the group on its first run even though I felt my chest tighten and breathing shallow at the thought of meeting new people. My fears were realized: Noone talked to me during that first outing, and I couldn't even keep up with the runners. I felt like such a loser, but rather than walk away feeling hopeless, I returned for a second time. I can't give up this time- I've done that way too many times in the past. I have to see this through.

Stay tuned....

2 comments:

Zeba said...

If you're not a very social person, it's very hard to be able to go out and interact with strangers. I'm not either. But ever since I started doing journalism, I've had to change my mental make-up to suit my profession. And now I find it awesome to talk to all sorts of people. I feel good to be able to make healthy conversation. :)

I hope you have a great year ahead and live up to whatever you've planned!

theblondemule said...

First of all, welcome back! I hope this is the start of more blog posts.

I so hear you on the anxiety/depression. These past couple of months have sucked. It has to get better.

Hooray for running! I wish I could run. Stupid hip. You can totally run that half marathon. I'm behind you 100%!